最难受的新年

I've never felt this insulted or disrespected in my life before.

Who would've thought such an egoistic bitch such as myself would see today?!

Never in my life have I ever met anyone so spoilt and unreasonable before.

I guess there's just a first for everything!!

Why not begin with the new years itself right?! Ha!

Throughout my 20 years as a living person with feelings,

I have never experienced such a deep explosion of anger to ANYONE before in my life except for my own family.

All the crap from friends I have faced in the past could never amount to this extent of me getting SO PISSED.

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Who the HELL do you think you are?!

You can throw tantrums whenever you like?!

Toss things and potentially BREAK something in my car?!

Cause SO MANY UNNECESSARY DELAYS and INCONVENIENCE,

Not only in terms of time but also petrol?!

And the worse part of it all is,

I DIDN'T EVEN FREAKING UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON WHEN IT HAPPENED. =,=

Didn't even have the decency to inform anyone.

Behave as if every inconvenience caused by you is one that is deserved by others?!

And the irony of it all is that, I'M THE ONE WITH THE FUCKING PERIOD!!

Sometimes my tolerance level just drops till NIL.

Its not that I can't understand or is unable to accept that yesss, in terms of language, I really don't understand most of the time and is BLUR.

But DON'T EVER take me as a fool!!

I know when I'm being taken advantage of and I know exactly WHEN I deserve an apology.

Amidst all this "drama", what I seriously came to realise is this :

I DESPISE the fact that everything has to be so PRETENTIOUS in this culture.

I despise that everything has to be TOLERATED, eventhough the behaviour THEN is UNACCEPTABLE.

I hate the fact that in this culture, no one can truly express their true feelings and emotions but instead, must accept whatever it is that happens then only to deal with it LATER.

Honestly, I am NOT from this culture and so naturally, I do not follow such practices.

In future, if EVER anything like this happens again, I swear to God, I really don't care if you're from a rich family or not,

If you or ANYONE ELSE for that matter ever crosses the line of basic etiquette, I will SERIOUSLY give you a piece of MY MIND, THERE AND THEN. Not later. >,<

If you're rich, shouldn't you know better than anyone else how you SHOULD behave?!

I have never EVER witnessed such insolence and mockery!!

Not only did not an apology suffice, but I was EXPECTED to wait in my own car for the person to get sorted!!

FYI, the world does not revolve around you!! Never has anyone made me feel so used and insulted in my life. X(

Lastly, this language barrier really suffocates me.

Its not that I'm unwilling to share with you how I feel,

Its just I'm driven out of desperation and helplessness,

Extremely fed up of constantly being in the unknown,

I sometimes really miss speaking to my "own kind".

I intentionally deprive you from understanding because you've either never experienced it,

or have forgotten what it feels like to be left out and kept in the blur.

I really hope this will help you feel how I feel, but waaay worse.

Because if you'd understand what I'm going through,

We wouldn't even be treating each other like this.

I hope 2012 would somehow defy all this crap that has happened.

I pray with all my heart that it will take a better turn.

PURE DISAPPOINTMENT.

So you finally come to the stage in life where the people who used to be important, seems otherwise.

What do you do next?

Think of all the times you were there for her?

Or of all the times she wasn't?

Seems so contradictory whatever she has said.

Constantly complaining about how unpopular she is.

Or how low self esteem she actually is.

Hrmm... Really gets me wondering if she is what she says she is.

Well, many years may pass and you think you know a person.

Turns out when you truly see, it wasn't as perfect as it seemed to begin with.

I'm no longer in the capacity to fight for anything that doesn't want to be fought for.

No longer want to be in the position to be disappointed.

No longer hopeful for someone who doesn't do what she says or promises.

In short, I guess age gets you tired...

And all you want to do is let what come, COME.

And let what wants to leave, LEAVE.