Recently lots of stuff have been on my mind. I find no solace anywhere but to express them here in words.
I've began my final year for nearly a month now and honestly, I'm not at all ecstatic or enthusiastic about classes or anything academically related. I see this chapter of my life as nearly redundant, besides the fact that the only thing I look forward to is my boyfriend and my two housemates. Besides them, there is not much reason left for me to persist till my graduation.
I know it all sounds so pathetic, but I am not one without a PLAN. I just can't wait to get out of here and move on to my passion!! At least with that, I can begin to dream more practically again... As I know I would be working towards it.
Anyway, there are a few things that has been troubling me this morning that I need to get off my chest. : \
I have just reached a crossroad in my life where I feel that many MANY relationships are not worth sustaining. Honestly, is it because of all the disappointment I have gotten from my circle of peers, or is it just me who is oversensitive and is easily annoyed by their little actions and behaviors? These days, I just brush people off!! Lols!! Simply because I am arrogant and I don't feel the need to please or tolerate anyone anymore. Aiksss. X)
I have also reached a new hypothesis. And that is, to not believe in a lasting female best friend relationship. Seriously, there isn't much faith I have left in my own gender. I truly feel foolish to have ever thought and believed this. Girls just gradually move away from one another. They have a really weak sense of loyalty. And they are fucking calculative and fussy. Sighh... Somehow sometimes I can't help but wish I was a boy.
I was browsing through some of my friend's profiles today and I saw that my ex best friend Su Zanne liked my first best friend Jie Hwee's couple picture with her boyfriend. I can say I am really happy for Jia Hwee but what made me feel bitter was that Su Zanne was still in ok terms with Jia Hwee, who was a total nobody to her.
I admit I feel bitter because Su Zanne is a total bitch. A bitch who was never true to her friendship, never true to herself and was never true to me and her own words. All the years of being there for her unconditionally just screwed over her sense of appreciation. Instead of being grateful, she decided it was better to go with the volatility of her unstable life and her perverted boyfriend. I am not even interested in seeing how that works out for her.
And what I cannot believe myself is how her actions project the perfect example of what NOT TO BE as a person and it defies all my personal principles!! I guess God knows what should be best for me. I always have faith in his decisions and I should be very grateful of how things have come through for me and her.
I just hope one day, and may that day be soon, that I will be able to let go of all these disappointment inflicted by her and that my heart will be less cautious and weary of the next potential best friend that comes by.
For now, I am grateful that I still have a person whom I'm able to spill my heart out to. One who although may be at times annoying and bratty, but at most times lovable and understanding and a great listener and remedy for my heart. I love you baby. And you'll just never know how much.
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